Guest Contributor: Jessica Tucker
Also found on Instagram at: JessieJoy5
I felt honored that I was invited to write for the Shimmer, Sparkle, Shine Blog
because as a feminist and a mother I felt what I great way to reach out to
other young women around the world. And then my mind went blank…. What was I
going to write about? I felt the stress and anxiety closing in as I thought
what wisdom could I pass onto the younger generation? Then my toddler daughter
in her pretend kitchen poured me ‘tea’ and the idea came to me. What will I say
to her when she’s older?
I envision
going to coffee shop with you and ordering a couple of teas. Probably we will
both feel awkward as l bring out my notes of all the important points I want to
cover and with the sweet aroma of the fruit tea, I’ll take a sip and say:
Izzy, when
I was younger all girls were taught to smile because it made us prettier or to
smile if we were sad because no one wanted to see a girl upset. You might have
others tell you to smile and I want you to have the courage to say no thank you.
I just want you to know that the only times I want you to smile are for when
you mean it, and for when we take a family photo.
You might
be wondering why is this so important to me? The reason is I want all your
emotions to be recognized. I have seen and experienced situations where I
wasn’t able to express my emotions and it affected how I saw myself. The only
thing I can ask is that you express your emotions in a safe and healthy way. When
I was younger, I used to cut up my arms and legs. When I was older, I would
drink enough to numb my emotions. And right now, as your mom and a fellow woman
I want you to be better than me.
Smiles do
you make you look pretty and happy, but the eyes are windows of the truth and
if the eyes aren’t smiling than it’s an empty smile. It’s like an apology with
the word ‘but’ after it. It’s there and yet it’s not genuine.
I want you
to be genuine. To be authentic. To be you.
Sip of tea…
clearing of throat and …
Izzy, if a
boy at school pulls your hair or snaps your bra or whatever stupid things boys
do, I want you to know it does not mean he likes you. Stay clear of him. I
don’t want you to interpret boys being mean to you as an act of love because
that’s not how you get a girl’s attention by calling her names or hurting her
or teasing her, especially as there’s other boys who don’t behave that way. I
don’t want you to think that it’s ok to be slapped around because he cares. Or
it’s ok to be called stupid or a slut because he loves you… because it’s not.
What do you
do if a boy does that to you at school? You can ignore him, or you can say
something. I think it’s hard for me to tell you what to do. If this behaviour
does happen to you, brainstorm with someone you feel comfortable with and do what
you feel comfortable doing- because I feel the best reaction and the best
person to tell you what to do is you.
I want you
to know your worth. I want you to know that being disrespected is not affection,
but disrespect and you deserve respect.
Tea is
almost finished… some more sips…
Izzy, the
last thing I want to talk to you about is I remember I had the summer off when
you were still quite young, and I had to make a choice to return to work or
not. And though I wanted to work I didn’t know if I wanted to return to that
particular job and after speaking with a friend she gave me a solid piece of
advice, ‘if it doesn’t serve you and what you want in life than don’t do it,’
(words have been modified to flow) and it was when she said that, that I took
steps back and thought about what I want and how am I working towards it? And
the fact was I wasn’t. I had lost my way and I was feeling like shit. I felt
like a failure. I felt like a screw up and I compared myself to everyone and
anyone on how I wasn’t measuring up to what I thought I needed to be or had to
have and then to what I wanted.
I left my
job and I was scared! But I had a dream and I wanted to see if I could make it
work. I had other dreams and goals I wanted to see come into fruition (one was
writing for a blog.)
If it
wasn’t for my friend and what she said I would have been unhappy. I want to
share that with you because I want you to be happy. I can’t make you happy
though. You are responsible for your happiness. Your choices, how you see
yourself, how you interact with others, with nature, with your body, with food,
with your time, with work, with hobbies, with everything-it’s on you! And it’s
a huge responsibility but it’s your life and only you live it. I’m part of your
life as you are mine except, we individually choose how we live ours.
If it
doesn’t serve you and what you want in life than don’t do it. Do what will
serve you and what you want, work towards that, do what brings you to it.
Everything else is filler.
Tea is
over.
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