5 Things I Wish I Had Known About Self-Worth When I Was Growing Up

Guest Contributor:  Susie Gutierrez

You can find more from Susie 

on her Instagram Account or YouTube Channel

When I was given the opportunity to write a guest post for this blog on the topic of self-worth, I was incredibly excited! Self-worth is something I didn’t learn much about until later in life. And now that I understand how vital it is to our happiness, I have so much I want to say about it. Where do I even start?!

I thought I’d go with some things about self-worth I wish I’d known when I was younger.

I’ve learned a lot of great lessons in my life, and I wouldn’t change anything. However, not everything has to be learned “the hard way.” If I can prevent just one girl from experiencing unnecessary heartache by sharing some wisdom I’ve learned, then that is wonderful! Now, without further ado, 5 things I wish I’d known about self-worth when I was growing up:

1) You have an inner voice that will always help you to remember your value. “Voice” is just another way of saying, “thoughts.” This inner guiding voice is different from the “negative self-talk” voice we all have sometimes.  For example, “I can’t believe I just said that!  That must have sounded so dumb!”.  This inner guiding voice is also different from the “should voice” we all tend to have, for example, “I made a few mistakes today, but I should have made zero mistakes!!”). Those last two voices are rarely ever helpful, but unfortunately, we all have those sometimes, too. As the years go by, you can practice noticing your inner guiding voice more and more, and as a result, you will begin to notice the non-helpful voices less and less. I will go ahead and refer to your inner guiding voice as your “intuition.” Some people call it a “gut feeling,” some call it your “higher self,” some even call it God or the Universe. Whatever you want to call it, it’s friendly, only speaks to you with love, and will always lead you towards the best decisions for you, because it is you. All the other random, negative thoughts that might pop into your head are just that — random thoughts in your head.

 

Your intuition will remind you that you are a good person and are doing your best. It will never say things like “I look ugly” or “I’m stupid.” If you have thoughts like that, just remind yourself that those are random thoughts creeping in, and you don’t have to believe them. When you’re having a hard time, look for your intuitive voice. It might be way softer than the others at first. But as you practice listening to it and dismissing the negative thoughts as silly and random, your intuition will get stronger and stronger, and it will become very easy to remind yourself of your amazingness when you are having a hard time!

Now, it can feel overwhelming to think that there are so many different kinds of thoughts in your head. I don’t want you to worry about which voice is the “right” one! Ultimately it’s not a matter of which voice is “correct,” it’s a matter of learning to trust your gentle gut feelings about what is the best decision for you. Do you want to play that sport or do that activity because it sounds really fun or just because you think it will make you look cool? Your intuition will always guide you towards the decision that reflects your self-worth, or in other words, the decision that will make you the happiest!

2) Being different is good. Oh man, this is a toughie! I know what school is like. I know that there can be pressure to fit in and not stray from the norm. But as the years go by, you’ll notice more and more that being different from others is what makes you interesting. When you’ve graduated from school and you’re on your own, you’ll want to make friends who like you for you, and that will be harder to do if you don’t know who you is. If any kid gives you a hard time for liking music that most of the other kids don’t like, or because you like to read instead of playing the same games everyone else plays, know that they are learning and they just don’t get it yet. Feel good about yourself knowing that you know who you are.

 

School flashes by in the blink of an eye. The kids who spend the most time trying not to seem “weird” (AKA different) are the ones who will have the hardest time getting in touch with what they really want to do with their lives once they’re done with school.  So if you ever feel “weird,” know that you have a head start on discovering who you are and making your dreams happen!

3) Self-love is good for you. If your parents or teachers have taught you about self-love, then that is wonderful. You’re ahead of the curve! I never knew much about it as a kid. When I heard about the idea of self-love, it sounded kind of silly and mushy to me. Isn’t it “bad” to think you are so great?

This is where a lot of us were taught wrong. Somehow we were taught to both be the best we can be, but to not rejoice in how great we are, because that is “bragging.” Well, bragging comes from a place of insecurity - feeling like you have to prove how great you are to everyone because you don’t believe it yourself. But self-love, or in other words, accepting yourself exactly as you are and feeling good about it, isn’t self-indulgent or bragging.  It gives you a sense of peace. From that place, you don’t feel the need to announce your greatness to everyone, because you truly believe in it. But from that calm place, it’s absolutely okay to say, “I love me!!”.  

People tend to be hard on themselves, because they were taught that doing so helps them become better people.  But the truth is, you grow more through self-acceptance than from being hard on yourself. A lot of adults still don’t understand how self-love can help them grow more as people than being hard on themselves.  So please, spread the word: self-love is good!

4) Your sense of self-worth needs to come from who are are, not what you do. It’s wonderful to do great things. Doing well in school, excelling in your activities — that’s great! But you shouldn’t have to accomplish great things to feel good about yourself. Because, let’s say you fail at something — how will you feel then?

The best way to get back up and keep trying is to know that your worthiness has not changed. Sure, you feel disappointed, and that’s okay. But you don’t have to feel bad about yourself in order to do better next time.

I believe that everyone on this earth is born with automatic self-worth. That means that you are valuable, lovable, simply because you exist and you’re you. That doesn’t change based on how good your grades are or how many trophies you win. Knowing this will make it so much easier to get through hard times and situations where you feel disappointed.

5) Failing is okay! It’s okay to fail. You wouldn’t believe how many grown-ups still don’t understand this. The great inventors of the world failed many times before coming up with their amazing inventions. You will see people in the news who ended up committing crimes because it was more important for them to cover up their mistakes than admit to failing. Sometimes you fail, and that’s okay! Remember, your value as a person does not change. So if you fail, it doesn’t mean anything about your inherent worth. It just means you didn’t win that time — doesn’t mean you won’t win the next! When you understand this, you will be more willing to try new things. 

There are so many adults who have never tried new things because they were afraid to fail at them. If you ask me, this is a shame…life is meant to be lived, am I right?!  Life won’t be as satisfying if we let ourselves be too scared to even try.  So, next time you want to try something, and you’re scared you might fail - know that those feelings are okay, and try it anyway!  

I hope these tips are helpful!  Now go out there and live your life, knowing that no matter what happens, you are awesome, and that will never change.