Out with the IQ and in with the EQ

Guest Contributor: Sarah Imarata

I read this great booked called Unselfie, Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in our All-About-Me-World written by Dr. Michele Borba.   The basis of the book was kids who have a strong sense of empathy, become more successful in today’s world by exhibiting the following skills:

1)      Emotional Literacy

2)      Moral Identity

3)      Perspective Talking

4)      Moral Imagination

5)      Self-Regulation

6)      Practicing Kindness

7)      Collaboration

8)      Moral Courage

As I read this book, the term that kept popping up in my mind was EQ or Emotional Quotient.  Another term that you might hear more often is Emotional Intelligence. 

We have all heard of IQ, your intelligence quotient, scoring you to on how you apply knowledge to specific skills (for example: math, logical reasoning, reading comprehension).  EQ also produces a score, but it measures you on your ability to identify, evaluate and control ones emotion as well as perceive and assess others.  The latter sounds a lot like empathy to me. 

So what’s my point?  A lot of focus in our schools is placed on intelligence.  Academic subjects, GPAs, Standard tests.  But how much is placed on EQ?  And do we need more?  Sure, the concept of be kind to others is there, but there is a learning and nurturing that needs to take place.  

“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” -Maya Angelou

As I look at my personal life and my career…when I review my successes, it is not because I was the smartest person in the room.  It is because I have been able to successfully develop constructive relationships.  Almost every relationship has been a positive influence on me, my life and my career.  That doesn’t mean I have liked everyone I have come across or vice versa – it means that because I have a keen nose for my emotions and am pretty perceptive of others, I am able to have a nurturing relationship to those I come across.  

 

 So how do we increase our EQ?  What are things we can practice in everyday life, no matter what your age?  Here are a few things I like to do:

-          Be Aware – Be aware how you are feeling the way you are, contemplate and understand why you are feeling that way

-          Challenge your emotional reaction – With so many social media influences, it is easy to be, well influenced by others.  Challenge how you feel about something!

-          Celebrate the positive don’t ignore the negative! – Celebrate the positive things in your life!  Reflect on them and feel good.  Even the negative can have a positive result, understand why you feel negativity (see #1!)

-          Meditate – This saved me!  Whether you are just continuing to breath throughout the day or need some time to yourself, meditation is a great way to reflect

-          Keep a Diary – Sure I can be aware of all of these things, but if you are like me, I might forget.  Write them down so you can go back and review

-          Don’t Get Angry – Channel your anger into something productive, it is ok to feel upset, but don’t let something futile ruin your day, let it motivate you

-          Be Healthy – I mean there are many reason for this one, but plenty of studies have shown that a balanced diet and regular exercise can have a great impact on your emotional state

-          Be Present – When you are at your friend’s house or out to dinner, put that phone away.  Don’t miss the opportunity that is in front of your face

-          PMA – Positive Mental Attitude.  Did you know that some studies show that your attitude has a bigger impact on life expectancy than smoking? 

-          Put Yourself in the Other’s Shoes – We’ve all heard it, but do you really do it?  This is key to understanding someone’s perception and one of the fundamentals of empathy.

-          Be Approachable – No matter what your role, try to be approachable

I could list so many more ways to help increase your EQ.  But I think by now you get the picture.  Imagine as a teenager, being able to control your mood?  Imagine your stress levels decreasing and having a better handle on conflict resolution.  Sounds farfetched, but it absolutely isn’t.  Emotional Intelligence is key to thriving in this world, whether it is with family, friends or coworkers.  Having a healthy EQ will help you rise above and be your best self and have the best quality of life.  So start practicing and keep practicing!