My struggle with body image has been a life-long
battle. It is one that is constantly evolving as a learn more about myself. I
am 36 years old and still learning. I was thin and fit until I was 21. I got
pregnant, did the “eating for two” thing and gained 100 extra pounds by the end
of my pregnancy. It took 5 years to lose 60 of those extra pounds. Just when I
was starting to feel like my old self, my health battles began. I got on a
medical issue roller coaster that would cause all sorts of changes in my body.
I gained weight. I battled depression. At 30, I fought cancer for the first
time and that really did a number on my self esteem. I lost my hair. I gained
weight from the steroids. My body was covered in new scars. I began to feel
fat, ugly, and useless. Since then, my existence has consisted of looking for
the next diet that was going to change everything or wishing I had the money or
space for a home gym because I was too ashamed to join one. I thought that I
would be magically happier if I could just be thin.
Then something sort of
magical happened about a year ago. My daughter turned 14 and started
criticizing little things about her body. She would stand in the mirror and
suck in her stomach or point out any bulge and call it fat. She sounded exactly
like me. I don’t want my daughter to walk through life thinking that thin
equals beautiful. I want her to be healthy, strong, intelligent, and
independent. That was the day I started making some changes. Now, I am not
going to lie. These bad habits of self-hate are super hard to break. I am
focusing on one thing at a time and working to see myself in a different light.
I eat healthier and move but I am not counting calories or anything like that. One
thing I have noticed, my daughter has stopped looking for “fat” every time she
tries on clothes. That’s a step in the right direction.
Guest Blogger Shari Solis
Northglenn, CO
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