Hi Sparklers,
About a year ago I started writing when my thoughts and
feelings would become overwhelming. I would type out everything on my computer
to get it all out and then just leave it there. A few weeks ago I went back
through and read it all again and found this recurring pattern that I have
basically summed up in one word: attachment. Here are some of the things I’ve
been reflecting on.
Emotions
I got into this habit of trying to push away negative
emotions and then I would cling to happy moments. There have been several times
in the last year that I have thought, “I wish I could live in this moment and
feel this way forever.” But emotions are impermanent and we can’t selectively
feel. Happiness doesn’t exist without sadness. We can’t resist emotions and we
can’t try to hold onto them either. Both lead to suffering. We must allow our
emotions to come and go freely.
Outcomes
When faced with any situation we have to tell ourselves and
believe that no matter what happens, we will be okay. Whether you get a perfect
grade or not, you will be okay. Whether you get into your top choice college or
not, you will be okay. Whether that person wants to be your friend or not, you
will be okay. Everything will work out the way it is meant to and you are
strong enough to get through anything that comes your way. If you believe that,
you will be able to enjoy the journey of life without worrying about achieving
specific outcomes.
The Past and the
Future
There’s a quote out there that basically says that anxiety
is what happens when you are living in the future, and depression is what
happens when you are living in the past. When we are attached to the future, we
worry because we can’t control it. And when we can’t let go of the past, we
can’t be happy in present. This doesn’t mean that we should never think about
the past or the future. Reflection and planning are both great things, but we
can’t get stuck constantly doing either of those things. The only moment we are
guaranteed is this one so let’s embrace it.
Relationships
It is impossible to have a healthy relationship when one or
both of the people involved is attached to the other. When we come into any
relationship with another person, we have to do so knowing that we are whole
and complete on our own. We don’t need anyone to complete us - friends, family,
or partners. That being said, we can’t begin a relationship with anyone if we
are looking to gain anything from them. This has happened to me a lot during
college. With many of my friends, I have waited around for them to reach out to
me and show me that they want to be around me. I wanted them to make me feel
wanted and to help me feel good about myself. I have hung out with people more
so that I don’t feel like a loner, not because I wanted to actually spend time
with them. That isn’t fair to either of us. My worth must come from inside, not
from them. Expecting them to make me feel better about myself isn’t fair to
them because they can’t do that for me. It puts pressure on our relationship
and gets in the way of true friendship and connection. Both sides have to come
looking to give friendship and love. There can’t be any conditions involved.
When we are looking to gain something from another person, we form that
attachment to getting what we want from them and then we cling to them. If we
can approach our relationships knowing that we are amazing on our own and we
are only looking to GIVE love, we can create a wonderful friendship with that
person.
Expectations
When our expectations are not met, by people or
circumstances, we are left feeling extremely disappointed. Even if an outsider
looking in would say that our lives look so great, we are blind to the
blessings around us because our lives don’t look the way we expected them to. It’s
important to recognize when we are holding onto our expectations and then we
have to let them go. We have to approach our lives with an open mind and a
sense of exploration.
When we embrace the fact that nothing is permanent and we
let go of our attachment and attempts to control everything, we accept
everything for what it is and we are free to peacefully enjoy life. - Ashley
Comments
Post a Comment