This past week I read an article about a middle school girl who refused to report her BMI on a school assignment. If you haven't seen the story yet, here are some highlights from the story on ABC News.
Tessa writes, "Ever since I can remember, I've been a 'bigger girl,' and I'm completely fine with that; I'm strong and powerful...."
As much as we ran, practiced or lift weights I was still always a "bigger" girl. Looking back at photos, I really didn't look that much different then my teammates, but it was enough to be given a nickname.
Initially, I don't think it bothered me. I was a strong girl and proud of it. I could lift more weights than other girls and a lot of boys. Those thighs helped me run super quick and the muscles in my arms let me win multiple ribbons for throwing discus and shot put in Track. Although I had this "nickname", I never did feel disrespected by my friends and teammates. My problem with body image was different than some, it was felt more at home, than at school.
Although I felt great physically and felt I was doing great things, I had others in my family making me feel otherwise. My shift and real eternal struggle started when I had to move for High School. I've always thought it was ironic that my daughters story behind the SSS Project started because her experience was the exact opposite of mine. In middle school I felt empowered, I felt supported and I looked forward to going to school every day.
In High School, as sought to make new friends and struggled to feel like I fit in on the sports teams, I started to let those messages I was getting from home, fill my mind. Those thighs you see above, started to become a negative. Rather than just enjoying my success, I started doubting myself and what I could be. By the end of my sophomore year, my "sports career" was over and those doubts about myself never really left. It wasn't necessarily the fact that I was teased or ridiculed at the new school, I just think the new environment left room for more negative, then positive in my life and eventually the scale started tipping....literally!
It's rough being a parent of a child who others consider "husky", "plus-size" "fat", "big boned", "etc". I understand now when my mother took me to a diet doctor she did it because she loved me. I understand now that when my father and stepmother constantly questioned my weight, they were doing it because they were concerned. I tell myself that now, but I don't know that I knew it or felt it then. As adults, it's such a hard thing to navigate with children. From my own personal experiences I would say, just guide them with love. Whatever it is you feel needs to happen or however you feel you need to guide them into a healthy lifestyle, do it and say it with LOVE! Let there be no doubt in your child's mind at the end of any given day. If I could wish one thing for Tessa, it would be that she has family at home, who will continue to make her feel loved, as she goes through this adolescent journey.
You are loved sparklers!!
Michelle
Tessa writes, "Ever since I can remember, I've been a 'bigger girl,' and I'm completely fine with that; I'm strong and powerful...."
"But, at the beginning of the year, I started having very bad
thoughts when my body was brought into a conversation. I would wear four
bras to try and cover up my back fat, and I would try to wrap ace
bandages around my stomach so I would look skinnier....My doctor and I
talked about my diet and how active I am. He did a couple tests and told
me I was fine....My BMI is none of your concern because my body and BMI
are perfect and beautiful just the way they are."
Finally, the middle-schooler writes, "In conclusion, BMI is an outdated way of determining a person's
body health, and it's a measurement that SHOULD NOT be used in a school
setting where students are already self-conscious and lacking confidence
in their unique bodies."
First, I absolutely want to send a Thank You out to Tessa Embry for being so bold and taking a stand. Our youth are often dismissed as not being knowledgeable in worldly matters and then someone like Tessa quickly reminds us that as adults, we need to close our mouths and open our ears more often.
Secondly, her response brought me back to my own body issues as a young girl in middle school. By the time I was in 4th grade, I had my first official visit to a "diet doctor". Going to a diet doctors in the 70's and early 80's basically meant you were given speed pills. I honestly don't remember if I took the pills or if they were just around because my mother took them, but I do remember going to school with a salad that consisted of lettuce, mini shrimp and some horrible salad dressing. While the other kids were enjoying a normal sack lunch from home or a a "yummy" school lunch, I was feasting on this wonderful salad. As the years progressed, I became more athletic and realized if I was doing sports 24/7, I could fit into "normal", non "husky" clothes. I started by playing soccer and by the time I got to middle school I was playing Volleyball, Basketball and Track. At anytime during the school year I was training with one team or the other and pretty good at it.
Let me introduce you to Thunder Thighs Freer!
Initially, I don't think it bothered me. I was a strong girl and proud of it. I could lift more weights than other girls and a lot of boys. Those thighs helped me run super quick and the muscles in my arms let me win multiple ribbons for throwing discus and shot put in Track. Although I had this "nickname", I never did feel disrespected by my friends and teammates. My problem with body image was different than some, it was felt more at home, than at school.
In High School, as sought to make new friends and struggled to feel like I fit in on the sports teams, I started to let those messages I was getting from home, fill my mind. Those thighs you see above, started to become a negative. Rather than just enjoying my success, I started doubting myself and what I could be. By the end of my sophomore year, my "sports career" was over and those doubts about myself never really left. It wasn't necessarily the fact that I was teased or ridiculed at the new school, I just think the new environment left room for more negative, then positive in my life and eventually the scale started tipping....literally!
It's rough being a parent of a child who others consider "husky", "plus-size" "fat", "big boned", "etc". I understand now when my mother took me to a diet doctor she did it because she loved me. I understand now that when my father and stepmother constantly questioned my weight, they were doing it because they were concerned. I tell myself that now, but I don't know that I knew it or felt it then. As adults, it's such a hard thing to navigate with children. From my own personal experiences I would say, just guide them with love. Whatever it is you feel needs to happen or however you feel you need to guide them into a healthy lifestyle, do it and say it with LOVE! Let there be no doubt in your child's mind at the end of any given day. If I could wish one thing for Tessa, it would be that she has family at home, who will continue to make her feel loved, as she goes through this adolescent journey.
You are loved sparklers!!
Michelle
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