The Struggle with Vulnerability

Vulnerability is something I think we all struggle with. We don’t want to share our pain with others. We are afraid that we will seem weak or we are afraid that they won’t understand. So instead of being honest and admitting that we are having a hard time, we mask our pain with a smile and say that we are doing fine while deep inside we are causing more suffering by isolating ourselves and denying ourselves the support we need. 

 

I do it too. My problem is that I either fear that I’ll scare people away if I reveal my sadness or I don’t want anyone to worry about me. In both cases I end up making things worse for myself. While there are times that I like to sit alone with my emotions and let myself feel and reflect for a bit, sometimes I forget the most important step which is letting them go. Sometimes we need someone to support us to help us let go of our pain. And when I do finally fall apart with my dad, because he’s usually the one I go to when I need to have that moment, he ends up having about five other people check in on me or send words of encouragement my way. He knows what to do to make sure I feel loved and supported.

It’s okay to tell people that you are hurting. It’s okay to ask for help. I promise the people that love you will understand and they want to be there for you. Give them a chance to do that for you. Allow yourself to reach out when you are struggling. 

 

Here are a few things you can do to find the support you need.

1. Be honest with people. Especially the people you trust.

You don’t have to tell them every detail, but at least if they know that you are having trouble letting go of some sadness, they will be able to offer you words of kindness and encouragement.

2. Find at least one person that you can completely fall apart with.

We all have at least one person that we can turn to when we are really feeling bad. Sometimes we just need someone to listen. Find those people that will do that for you.

3. Support yourself.

Give yourself a big hug. Tell your sadness that it can stay and run its course and then gently show it the door when it’s time for it to leave, but don’t slam the door in its face or it will never leave. In other words, don’t suppress it. Let it the pain be for just a little while and know when to let it go.