The Message of Modesty



 
The youth group my daughter and son participate in is putting on a road show in a couple of months, and they chose the topic of modesty for their script. It’s a really good script about a girl who tries to get the attention of a cute boy by wearing a really short skirt. She discovers that the boy likes her better when she wears modest clothes, so she goes back to dressing modestly so he’ll ask her to the dance. While it is a cute story with great music, as we read through the script, I was uncomfortable with the message it was sending to girls. The message seemed to be that modesty only applies to girls and was all about how they look. I decided not to say anything as the whole production was in full swing and I seemed to be the only one that had a problem with it. 
 
Later while we were discussing the props and sets, a 12 year old boy in our youth group asked, “Why is this story only about girls? Boys need to be modest too.” I agreed with him whole heartedly! Then I found out that this particular script was actually written by some of the teen girls in our youth group. This was the message they were getting about modesty? I was disheartened about this and realized that even when we have the best intentions, we are often sending girls the wrong messages.
Shortly before this happened, I read an article on the SSS Project’s Facebook page about how we often misunderstand modesty. The article was right on point, and this script from my youth group was a good example of just how easily we can misunderstand this concept. 
 
Girls in our society are constantly objectified. T.V., movies, magazines, music, are all examples of ways our society objectifies girls. Unfortunately, I think this script was another example. While I respect that our youth group was trying to flip the message by saying it is being modest that attracts boys instead of the other way around, it’s still the same message. Girls only attract boys with their appearance.
Personally, I don’t think that’s really what modesty means. I love this quote from the article I mentioned, “By focusing primarily on a girl’s appearance, we run the risk of neglecting her soul, her mind, her dreams, her talents, her capabilities, and her future.” When we send the message that modesty is about attracting (or not
attracting) boys, we send the message that a girl’s appearance is the thing that matters most about them. 
 
As a mother, I want my daughter to know that it is who she is that matters more than how she looks. I try to teach her that modesty is the way we express who we are outwardly. What is the message we want to send to others about who we are? I also tell my daughter that any boy worth her time will see who she is and like her for it.
As a member of the Shimmer Sparkle Shine Project, I want all of you Sparklers to know that it is who you are that matters most! Take a moment to think about who you are and how you want to present that person to the world. Any boy that’s worth your time will know what this 12 year old boy in our youth group knows, and he’ll see you, not what you’re wearing. 

Alicia 

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