The
youth group my daughter and son participate in is putting on a road
show in a couple of months, and they chose the topic of modesty for
their script. It’s a really good script about a girl who tries to
get the attention of a cute boy by wearing a really short skirt. She
discovers that the boy likes her better when she wears modest
clothes, so she goes back to dressing modestly so he’ll ask her to
the dance. While it is a cute story with great music, as we read
through the script, I was uncomfortable with the message it was
sending to girls. The message seemed to be that modesty only applies
to girls and was all about how they look. I decided not to say
anything as the whole production was in full swing and I seemed to be
the only one that had a problem with it.
Later
while we were discussing the props and sets, a 12 year old boy in our
youth group asked, “Why is this story only about girls? Boys need
to be modest too.” I agreed with him whole heartedly! Then I
found out that this particular script was actually written by some of
the teen girls in our youth group. This was the message they were
getting about modesty? I was disheartened about this and realized
that even when we have the best intentions, we are often sending
girls the wrong messages.
Shortly
before this happened, I read an article on the SSS Project’s
Facebook page about how we often misunderstand modesty. The article
was right on point, and this script from my youth group was a good
example of just how easily we can misunderstand this concept.
Girls
in our society are constantly objectified. T.V., movies, magazines,
music, are all examples of ways our society objectifies girls.
Unfortunately, I think this script was another example. While I
respect that our youth group was trying to flip the message by saying
it is being modest that attracts boys instead of the other way
around, it’s still the same message. Girls only attract boys with
their appearance.
Personally,
I don’t think that’s really what modesty means. I love this quote
from the article I mentioned, “By focusing primarily on a girl’s
appearance, we run the risk of neglecting her soul, her mind, her
dreams, her talents, her capabilities, and her future.” When we
send the message that modesty is about attracting (or not
attracting)
boys, we send the message that a girl’s appearance is the thing
that matters most about them.
As
a mother, I want my daughter to know that it is who
she is
that matters more than how she looks. I try to teach her that
modesty is the way we express who
we are
outwardly. What is the message we want to send to others about who
we are? I also tell my daughter that any boy worth her time will see
who she is and like her for it.
As
a member of the Shimmer Sparkle Shine Project, I want all of you
Sparklers to know that it is who
you are
that matters most! Take a moment to think about who you are and how
you want to present that
person
to the world. Any boy that’s worth your time will know what this 12
year old boy in our youth group knows, and he’ll see you, not what
you’re wearing.
Alicia
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