Forever Friends or Not!

I was thinking about friends recently and how the dynamics of friendships change throughout life. In middle school and high school, it really does feel like your world revolves behind those classroom walls. I came across this quote and it pretty much sums up how the quantity and quality change as we get older. As a 7^th and 8^th grader, I remember feeling that the world was coming to an end if I wasn’t able to make it to school for some reason. I remember thinking, no matter what, I HAD TO BE THERE. Middle school wasn’t perfect for me, but overall I enjoyed being with my friends, more then I enjoyed being home with my family. High School came; I went to a new school and had to find new friends. In middle school it seemed that my friends came in a group. If I had one new friend, 3 others came as part of the deal. In high school, the numbers were definitely smaller and I had to learn to build individual relationships. After high school, into the college and adult years I literally walked away with maybe 5 friends. 1 lasted 6 months, 1 for a few years, 1 for 5+ years, 1 for 10+ years and 1 that I now know will last a life time.

If I could magically get kids to realize one thing, it might be for them to understand that ultimately life will go on with or without some of the kids they are “friends” with, at any given time in school. Emotions, hormones, growth, brain development and so much more go into those feelings. The world is small and often self centered because they don’t know any better yet. They can’t see past tomorrow, next week or even a month from now. At times, as adults, we remember those feelings and the realization that hey, someone once told me that too and they were right. Yet, when it comes to our own children we forget how it did feel at that moment in time when we thought the world was going to end for a multitude of reasons. I remember telling my daughter, these friends will not matter; they will not be around in a year or two. You’ll go off to high school or college and probably never talk again. Personalities change, interest change, boys happen, family can get in the way, and sometimes even life trials take over. As parents, it can be a fine balance between support, advice and I told you so.

Mom and dad, give your kids an extra hug when a relationship is a challenge in your kid’s life. Kids, don’t forget, mom and dad have been there. They were once your age and I’m sure, had to go through many of the same trials. So when they share some advice or give you words of encouragement, realize they might just now more then you give them credit for.

-Michelle
Sparkler Mom