True Colors

I took an opportunity through work to participate in a 4-week workshop that was meant to teach us how to be better leaders. The last two meetings were dedicated to a session called True Colors where we talked about how to identify and understand people’s personalities and how to use that knowledge to give them tasks that they can perform well. But we didn’t just talk about how to apply this to work. We also learned how we could apply this to our daily lives to have more positive interactions with everyone.Here were the major takeaways:

Stop expecting people to “be like me”

We always assume that people should think the way we do. We question the things that they say and do because they are different than how we would approach certain situations. Remember that we are all different. We each learn and process things differently which means we all act and react differently. We can’t expect everyone to see things the way we see them or do things the way we do them. Instead we should seek to understand everyone better and accept our differences. 

 

Get Curious, Not Furious

Instead of getting upset right away about something someone says or does, ask them some questions. Take a breath to calm yourself and then find out what they meant or what they were thinking in that situation. Ask them questions like “what makes you say that?” or “what was your thought process when you did this?” Many times you will find that people weren’t trying to hurt you or offend you.

One example that the woman leading the session gave us was about one of her former students. This student was driving with her boyfriend one day when he was pointing out how careful and slow she was when she was driving. The girl told him that she liked to be cautious when she was driving because she was in a serious car accident when she was young. The boyfriend’s reply was “that’s weird.” This girl was about to get angry and upset with him when she remembered what she learned from True Colors. So instead of starting an argument she asked him why he said what he said. Her boyfriend said that he just thought it was interesting that people are still careless drivers even if they have been in car accidents. He was simply observing how people respond differently to similar experiences. And then she explained to him that she felt that he was calling her weird and insulting her for her reaction to that traumatic experience. This situation allowed them to understand each other better instead of starting a big fight over something that ended up being resolved so easily.

We can only change how we react

We can’t change other people. We can’t change what they think. We can’t change how they feel. We can’t change what they do. And we can’t change what they say.

But we are in complete control over what we think, feel, do and say. So let’s choose to try to understand before we judge and attack. Let’s recognize who we are and how we think and then ask questions to see who other people are and how they think. Let’s connect with people and build healthier relationships by seeking to understand first and then to be understood. 

 

Choose your words carefully

During this session we each identified our personality types by selecting a color that we felt described us well. The four colors were gold, green, blue and orange. Gold was all about responsibility, organization and tradition. Green was for people who are very intellectual and focus on the facts. Blue was about making relationships and connections with other people. And orange was for the people who value freedom and taking risks. Once we chose our brightest colors, we separated into those groups and went around and talked about words that are often said about people in those groups that are hurtful. And then we identified words that would honor those people and their personalities instead of attacking them and tearing them down. For example, negative words for “gold” people were things like control freak, teacher’s pet, etc and honoring words were organized, committed, and reliable. Negative words for “blue” were things like emotional, sensitive, cry-baby whereas honoring words were caring, kind, and compassionate.

We tend to see a lot of the negatives in people’s personalities, especially when they are very different from us. Instead of always pointing out those negatives with harsh words, let’s find the beauty in their personalities and choose words that honor them. When we change the way we talk to and about others, we start to identify their strengths and we lift them up.

-Ashley