Developing Self Love

Hey there Sparklers!

Today I wanted to blog about something that hits home to me right now, and is something a lot of girls unfortunately struggle with. This problem is still loving yourself, despite what your current relationship status is. In the community and culture around my college town and amongst my peers, there seems to be a lot of pressure and emphasis placed on finding “the one.” When everyone around you is getting hitched and finding their life companion, it can get difficult to not think that there is something wrong with yourself. After another recent romantic disappointment I started venting to one of my best friends about how I don’t get why the boys I have dated don’t see something worthwhile in me to stay around or treat me right. Amongst her encouragement she sent me a link to this article that I would encourage you to read as well.



It discusses the importance of “self-love” and how only once you fully practice self-love can you open yourself up to be loved by others. Sometimes people have the misconception that because I started this organization that I have this whole self-love and confidence thing down, but really I struggle with my self-worth and confidence just as much as anyone else. It is something I have to make a conscience effort about every day. With all this being said, the author of the article outlines 6 things one can do to develop and strengthen their self-love. I want to share these 6 suggestions with you, along with give my own commentary on where I stand with this step in the development of self-love.

1. Extreme self-care means doing what strengthens your mind, body, and spirit.
One of the most memorable quotes in one of my favorite shows (Parks and Recreation) is “Treat Yo’ Self.” Treating yo’self means exactly what the author is suggesting above. Taking time to focus on me, and temporarily forgeting about my commitments. This was something I never used to be good at. As I have gotten older I have realized the importance of recharging one’s personal batteries, and taking me time. Personal time can differ from person to person, but to me that is taking a break from social media, my cell phone, and doing something crafty or being lazy and catching up on movies and TV shows.

2. Your most important commitment is to honor yourself and your needs.
Often times we (myself included) place everyone else in front of ourselves. We can’t do this, and as I have sadly learned that means saying no on occasion so you can focus on making sure yourself is taken care of. I still have the hardest time saying no to people, but the times I do say no to take care of what needs to be done, I feel so much better about myself and my potential as a being. 

3. Your emotional well-being does not depend on any external circumstance.
This is one step on my journey towards full self-love that I am far from mastering. I am very sensitive to how others feel, and unfortunately it causes me to absorb what others are feeling. I struggle with the fact knowing that not everyone I come in contact with is going to like me or want to be my friend. It doesn’t mean there is something wrong with who I am, and it certainly doesn’t mean I should let it warp my attitude. I really like when the author of the article says, “I can’t control the way other people act toward me, but I can reframe my belief system to better align with my own self-image.” 

4. Making peace with your past paves the way for a rewarding future.
This is probably my BIGGEST struggle in my journey towards reaching my full capacity of self-love. I have a hard time letting go of memories and people. When bad things happen I like to think of it is karma and deserved for my past mistakes, when I should not have this mind set at all. Most of all, to me personally, letting go of my past means letting go of toxic people and not bringing them with me to my future. I have a hard time letting anyone go, especially if they were close to me at one point or another. Sometimes those people have to be left behind in order for a fulfilling future to occur. I have gotten better with this, but I still struggle with it, and I hope to improve on it.

5. Speak and treat yourself with kindness.
This one is pretty simple, yet one of the hardest to master. We are our own worst critique, but if we don’t treat ourselves with respect we can’t expect other too as well. We set the standard for how we want others to treat us. If you want to be treated well by others, treat your self well first. 

6. Trust your intuition; it will guide the way.
More times than not, our intuition is right. We just allow our emotions and personal desires to get in the way. Trusting your institution is a way of trusting yourself. Trust is what builds any relationship, including a relationship with your own self.

I can’t promise to never allow my relationship status (or lack thereof) to bring me down, but I can promise to work on building a relationship with myself and embracing my self-love. As my favorite book (Perks of Being a Wallflower) says, “We accept the love we think we deserve.” I need to love myself unconditionally and hold myself to a high regard so that hopefully one day when the right one does come along, they can love me the same way I love myself. I vow to never question my self-worth because of what my Facebook profile may or may not say. I hope all my sparkles can continue to grow in their personal discovery of self-love.

With Love,
Ciara

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