Good Friends vs Bad Friends

As human beings we are often ignorant of all the good things around us and only notice them when they disappear. One of these “things” is a good friend and I’m lucky enough to say I have multiple. Good friends are extremely hard to find; you never know when you’re going to run into one. It’s almost like searching for a gold nugget amongst rock and you’re bound to find more rocks than gold. The rocks we find are bad friends and they are all too common. Sometimes we hold onto some of these rocks thinking that they are gold but the rock eventually loses its shine, revealing that it was just a rock after all. Sometimes even when we know it’s a rock, we hold onto it because we’d rather have something over nothing. In a society where it’s better to be in a group than alone we’re drawn to bad friends because at least it’s better than being known as a loner. But why do we put up with this idea? Why do we want quantity over quality?


 One of the stations we have at our workshops is centered on choosing good friends over bad friends. We have the participants brainstorm all of the traits of a bad friend; selfish, not caring, mean and rude are the most common traits they come up with. When asked about how these “friends” made them feel most of the participants say that they were unhappy with the friendship. Their bad friends didn’t make them feel good about themselves and ended the friendship with them. When we talk about identifying and eliminating bad friends, everything seems so obvious and easy; if they’re not good for you then drop them. The issue with this is that it’s easier said than done, especially if you’re young.
We live in a culture where people think numbers define their lives, one of those crucial numbers being how many friends you have. I’m slightly dating myself when I say this, but I remember being a teenager during the great age of Myspace and being OBSESSED with my Myspace friends. I didn’t care who my friend on Myspace was; I just wanted that friend count to be as high as possible. Then of course there was the lovely friend ranking system that was present. I constantly checked my friends’ “top friends” lists to make sure I never dropped in the rankings. Then after I was done making sure I was still a “top friend” (even for people I hardly knew) I spent a great deal of time deciding who my “top friends” were. Looking back on it now, I find it absolutely ridiculous that I spent so much time caring about people that I never even talked to. 
 
It wasn’t until I was an upperclassman in high school when I realized who my real friends were. I stopped hanging out with those who I didn’t like and my concern over the number of friends I had become irrelevant. I had awesome adventures with the friends who did care about me and my inner circle of friends got smaller. I met even more of these amazing friends in college and now I hardly even remember that Myspace was a thing.

The moral of the story is to try not to make numbers define who you are and how you feel about yourself. If you don’t think one of your friends is good for you then it’s probably best to end the friendship. Even though you might have fewer friends, the ones you will have should make up for it. If not, keep on searching for that gold! In fact, you should never stop looking for good friends. There’s always room for more friends, especially if they’re as awesome as you! For those who haven’t found those good friends yet, I encourage you to keep trying and don’t let the idea of being unpopular lead you to befriending bad friends. Don’t be afraid to get rid of those rocks, they’re only weighing you down and taking up space that could be used for gold nuggets.

There are plenty of gold nuggets out there so stay positive, remember to love yourself and happy searching! 

    Marissa

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