During my
cancer treatment, experiencing losses, one after another, of everything that
defined me as a woman, I was facing the seemingly insurmountable task of
building something out of the shell that remained. I liken it to the breaking of the spirit that
takes place during basic training in the armed services, before the military
builds the machine they desire out of what is left. Losing my hair was just one more loss in my
journey…but somehow it became more than that.
The final shaving was so traumatic I couldn’t look in the mirror for two
weeks.
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This is right after it was all
shaved off. I now looked as sick as I felt.
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Then, one day, as I stepped out
of the shower, I caught sight of this very unfamiliar person in the
mirror. I forced myself to look…and
found something surprising. All I could
see were my eyes. I recognized myself
immediately, and felt a comforting sigh come over me. “Oh…THERE I am”. That was the beginning of the new me. I had found the essence my self, with nothing left to hide
her. And she was all I needed, to begin
again, and to build a new me.
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I didn't wear wigs. I preferred
nothing at all or just a bandanna. I was comfortable and realized there was
much more to me than my appearance. My confidence grew, along with my soul.
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Carrie Kollmar
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